kb69
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by kb69 on Dec 7, 2017 18:19:59 GMT
Hi, I've had a week.
My LLMD put me on Zoloft for Lyme-induced anxiety. In a year of treatment, the anxiety has emerged more prominently in the last 3 months as I have been going after Lyme with Bicillin shots. Prior to that, it was manageable (when I was treating Babesia).
After 3 weeks on Zoloft, my gastritis is back and I'm extremely dizzy (side effects of the drug). I had to stop taking oral antibiotics due to gastritis in August after 9 months of treatment. Now, I've come full circle: gastritis=no orals=bicillin shots=unrelenting anxiety=zoloft=gastritis. Today, I begin weaning from the Zoloft to heal my stomach. Again.
I know folks here have had long-term struggles with Lyme/co's. So many of you have been fighting this fight much harder and longer than I have. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie and not a complainer. I keep my head down, and just try to get through. But, this week? I'm so discouraged. I'm in tears writing this. I'm tired, frustrated and so sick of being sick and trying to figure out how to get better.
I just don't know how to keep from getting discouraged when every bend in the road seems to bring a whole new set off bumps.
I apologize for the negativity. I really do. I just needed to share it with people who get it.
Thanks for reading, Kelly
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Post by Randy on Dec 7, 2017 19:42:43 GMT
Ive sooooo had those weeks, several times. When will end? When will I see a good improvement? Am I wasting my time? Am I doing this right? Why do I feel worse than other folks? and so on and so on!
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Post by acres on Dec 7, 2017 20:13:34 GMT
Hi, We are your friends....You can come here and vent and cry and scream and let it all out.... We will listen, lend a shoulder and support you.....I know I will....
I am new to this as well, but have experienced serious health issues (one after anther it seems) over the past 8 years..... What gets me through is my wife (she is my rock and the love of my life), my silly hobbies, music is huge, my friends, my dog Hershey (he's so silly/crazy, makes me laugh all the time) and praying (not into organized religion, but for me, prayer really helps and I do it every day) Scott
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kb69
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by kb69 on Dec 7, 2017 20:45:37 GMT
Randy, I'm sorry you've had these weeks, too. It's so hard not to lose faith, isn't it? I want to believe, I know that a positive attitude is important in this fight. But, some days... Scott, I so appreciate your note. It brought tears to my eyes. I've been crying a lot today. And, I hear you on the wave of health issues, I had cancer 6 years ago, and beat that (fingers crossed). But, it's tough to gear up for and sustain another fight. There's no choice, but do it. My husband is my rock, too. And, I adore my kids and cat (we have a 20 pound Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog). But, I think even my husband is running out of things to say. Today, I sent him an e-mail similar to this post, and he responded with, "I love you." Invaluable, and I don't take it for granted. But, I wonder if even he is doubting that I will get better. Thanks to you both, so much, for your support and kindness -- that brought happy tears. Kelly
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Post by Admin/ Traveler on Dec 7, 2017 20:56:05 GMT
Oh, Kelly!!! I'm so so very sorry!! Since I've never felt in competition with anyone to see "who's sicker" or how long we have been sick, you won't see that happening here. You are sick!! And that's all that counts. We are here to listen and offer suggestions if we can, or just support when we can't. Don't go comparing yourself to anyone else. We know you are sick and we understand how real the struggle really is. Have you tried, or considered trying ginger tea? I also have a recipe for ginger syrup if you (or anyone else) would like it. I make a quart up at a time and keep it in my fridge so that I can take it on a moment's notice when my gastritis symptoms kick it up a notch. And the negativity I think we all understand too - we've been there. Don't apologize for going through a hard time with a set back like this!! Like I said, we all understand - it's hard to see much positive when everything feels like it's falling apart....again!!! I know I sure did!! It was actually Deejavu that helped pull me out of one of my darkest holes, just by offering to help where she could after abx had failed me and left me in a deep, dark hole of sickness and hopelessness. I couldn't get my body to detox, and I couldn't handle the treatments without it. She worked with me slowly, patiently, and it took what felt like forever to me (maybe to Deejavu too? LOL), but I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel again - and at first, she had to assure me that it wasn't another train coming my way to hit me yet again! But, she did and it was a true light at the end of my tunnel - I could finally detox well! Start trying to get your doctors to help you heal your gut so you can go on to finish your treatments - if they haven't been. And know that we are here to vent to, help provide support to you, and above all else, to listen and care.
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kb69
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by kb69 on Dec 7, 2017 21:28:22 GMT
Trav. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, a big hug back to you.
I feel like I need to get a place where I can firmly assess whether Bicillin (and ABX in general) is right for me, or whether my body is better suited to healing with herbs only. It's frustrating when unexpected obstacles arise and you can't even clearly assess what's going on, if you're making progress or not, if you're herxing and it's moving you forward or just setting you back, if you need to completely switch gears or give a treatment protocol a little more time.
I'm preaching to the choir, I know.
I love this forum, and appreciate you all very much.
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Post by Admin/ Traveler on Dec 7, 2017 21:39:40 GMT
Trav. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, a big hug back to you. I feel like I need to get a place where I can firmly assess whether Bicillin (and ABX in general) is right for me, or whether my body is better suited to healing with herbs only. It's frustrating when unexpected obstacles arise and you can't even clearly assess what's going on, if you're making progress or not, if you're herxing and it's moving you forward or just setting you back, if you need to completely switch gears or give a treatment protocol a little more time. I'm preaching to the choir, I know. I love this forum, and appreciate you all very much. I think you 'hit the nail on the head' when you said you need to get to a place where you can evaluate what's best for your body. You know what my choices have been, and I do try to be very careful to not discourage people from using abx to treat these infections (after all, my own hubby used abx to treat his Lyme/Anaplasmosis!!) - as I feel it's a very personal choice - and one that we each need to evaluate carefully, especially when our treatments "turn ugly", no matter what type of medicine a person is using. Know that you can come here and talk openly to see if you need to change some things or not - bouncing ideas and things off of others that understand can be helpful. And, you will never be judged for your choices here. It is what it is, and as long as you are making progress, that's what we want to see. (Of course, I'm hoping others know more about the abx side of this than I do!!! LOL!) What I'm trying to say is that we are here the best we can be for you, KB!! And, I do hope that you find what's right for you soon. Being stuck in this way really s*cks!!!
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Post by girlie on Dec 8, 2017 2:51:25 GMT
My husband is my rock, too. And, I adore my kids and cat (we have a 20 pound Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog). But, I think even my husband is running out of things to say. Today, I sent him an e-mail similar to this post, and he responded with, "I love you." Invaluable, and I don't take it for granted. But, I wonder if even he is doubting that I will get better. That brought tears to my eyes, Kelly. I don't think it means he's doubting that you'll get better. Try not to read anything into it. He loves you. period. It's really hard for our hubbies to see us hurting. My husband likes to 'fix' things...and he feels helpless. He wants to take my pain and all my suffering away...but he can't. sending you hugs, Kelly.
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Post by Little Bear (LB) on Dec 8, 2017 7:08:03 GMT
Hi, I've had a week. My LLMD put me on Zoloft for Lyme-induced anxiety. In a year of treatment, the anxiety has emerged more prominently in the last 3 months as I have been going after Lyme with Bicillin shots. Prior to that, it was manageable (when I was treating Babesia). After 3 weeks on Zoloft, my gastritis is back and I'm extremely dizzy (side effects of the drug). I had to stop taking oral antibiotics due to gastritis in August after 9 months of treatment. Now, I've come full circle: gastritis=no orals=bicillin shots=unrelenting anxiety=zoloft=gastritis. Today, I begin weaning from the Zoloft to heal my stomach. Again. I know folks here have had long-term struggles with Lyme/co's. So many of you have been fighting this fight much harder and longer than I have. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie and not a complainer. I keep my head down, and just try to get through. But, this week? I'm so discouraged. I'm in tears writing this. I'm tired, frustrated and so sick of being sick and trying to figure out how to get better. I just don't know how to keep from getting discouraged when every bend in the road seems to bring a whole new set off bumps. I apologize for the negativity. I really do. I just needed to share it with people who get it. Thanks for reading, Kelly Hi Kelly-
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this vicious cycle. What are your thoughts on trying an herbal protocol? Or is there a different antibiotic shot to try instead of Bicillin? Or, what are your thoughts on IV antibiotics?
Never apologize for the negativity. I am pretty sure that a lot of us can relate to the frustration of this disease. There are times that I get very frustrated, and wonder if I am doing the right thing with my treatment.
This disease puts a lot of stress on our bodies mentally and physically. Then add in flare ups, herxing, and wondering what is going on and how to make things better.
Please remember that it is ok to reach out for help, cry, and to vent. Don't always hold everything inside, that will just lead to more stress on your body. We all need a helping hand through this mess. Just keep talking with people so you don't ever feel isolated and alone. We are here for you!
Sending you many (((HUGS))) to get through this rough time.
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kb69
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by kb69 on Dec 8, 2017 14:50:36 GMT
My husband is my rock, too. And, I adore my kids and cat (we have a 20 pound Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog). But, I think even my husband is running out of things to say. Today, I sent him an e-mail similar to this post, and he responded with, "I love you." Invaluable, and I don't take it for granted. But, I wonder if even he is doubting that I will get better. That brought tears to my eyes, Kelly. I don't think it means he's doubting that you'll get better. Try not to read anything into it. He loves you. period. It's really hard for our hubbies to see us hurting. My husband likes to 'fix' things...and he feels helpless. He wants to take my pain and all my suffering away...but he can't. sending you hugs, Kelly. Thanks, Girlie. My husband is a "fixer," too. I know wishes he could help. We both carry the added guilt of having seen my EM rash, but not having pushed for a Lyme diagnosis when a MD said it was a spider bite (& the ELISA was negative). 6 months later, I finally was diagnosed. Lost ground that cannot be made up, but we both have yet to let that go. I sometimes email my husband at work describing what I'm dealing with so that when he comes home I won't break into it and end up in tears in front of our kids (who are 10 and 12). Those e-mails must catch him off-guard. Here's to our beloveds, who stand by our sides through the twists and turns of this journey. It's so hard on everyone. Hope you're continuing to make progress in healing, Kelly
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kb69
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by kb69 on Dec 8, 2017 15:33:21 GMT
Hi, I've had a week. My LLMD put me on Zoloft for Lyme-induced anxiety. In a year of treatment, the anxiety has emerged more prominently in the last 3 months as I have been going after Lyme with Bicillin shots. Prior to that, it was manageable (when I was treating Babesia). After 3 weeks on Zoloft, my gastritis is back and I'm extremely dizzy (side effects of the drug). I had to stop taking oral antibiotics due to gastritis in August after 9 months of treatment. Now, I've come full circle: gastritis=no orals=bicillin shots=unrelenting anxiety=zoloft=gastritis. Today, I begin weaning from the Zoloft to heal my stomach. Again. I know folks here have had long-term struggles with Lyme/co's. So many of you have been fighting this fight much harder and longer than I have. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie and not a complainer. I keep my head down, and just try to get through. But, this week? I'm so discouraged. I'm in tears writing this. I'm tired, frustrated and so sick of being sick and trying to figure out how to get better. I just don't know how to keep from getting discouraged when every bend in the road seems to bring a whole new set off bumps. I apologize for the negativity. I really do. I just needed to share it with people who get it. Thanks for reading, Kelly Hi Kelly-
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this vicious cycle. What are your thoughts on trying an herbal protocol? Or is there a different antibiotic shot to try instead of Bicillin? Or, what are your thoughts on IV antibiotics?
Never apologize for the negativity. I am pretty sure that a lot of us can relate to the frustration of this disease. There are times that I get very frustrated, and wonder if I am doing the right thing with my treatment.
This disease puts a lot of stress on our bodies mentally and physically. Then add in flare ups, herxing, and wondering what is going on and how to make things better.
Please remember that it is ok to reach out for help, cry, and to vent. Don't always hold everything inside, that will just lead to more stress on your body. We all need a helping hand through this mess. Just keep talking with people so you don't ever feel isolated and alone. We are here for you!
Sending you many (((HUGS))) to get through this rough time.
Thanks so much, Little Bear. I've scaled back on the Bicillin shots, after a month of insane herxing, and tolerate a 1/2 dose with just a mild herx. A slower path to healing, but hopefully it is doing something and paving the way to the full dose. I just wish that was all I had to focus on b/c Bart symptoms are worsening (burning/sore soles of feet, headaches around/burning eyes). I haven't started treating Bart (planning on Buhner herbs) because I've been trying to stabilize the Bicillin, and if I add herbs in, I'm afraid I won't know what I'm herxing on. My anxiety became an issue since starting Bicillin, and could be Lyme, Bart or both. I hoped Zoloft would help, but it's just added side effects that I'm now trying to tease out from the rest of my symptoms. Hopefully, weaning off that will add clarity and I can go after Bart. Maybe this is all par for the course for many of us? Maybe this just requires more patience than I have right now? I need to find a way to replenish that. I know you've been there, too, and I really appreciate your helping hand!
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Post by Admin/ Traveler on Dec 8, 2017 18:37:32 GMT
Yep, I married a 'fixer' too - he was the reason I ended up using TCM - he simply said to me one day that he wasn't ready to loose me yet. We had quite a few spats (of course, because of where I was emotionally, I felt like the world had collapsed) about him not understanding (truth was he couldn't watch me in misery day and night), about him not going to appointments with me (he couldn't bear to hear all that was really going on - he too was overwhelmed) and more - but I think the one thing they don't understand is that without them by our side, everything is left for use to shoulder alone - and that burden can be too much sometimes.
Keep talking is the only thing I can really say, as each couple is so different. Although my hubby and I had some tough times in our relationship, directly due to these infections, we are stronger than ever now (especially after HE got Lyme). I really like the idea about how you email him what's going on to avoid the tears and such when he gets home. How does he feel about it?
And, as was also said - be sure to come here to do some venting and such! We can help by taking some of that load from both you and your hubby! The bonus is you know we will almost certainly be able to relate to whatever it is that's going on!!
And, I'd like to add my hugs to the other that have been offered to you - ::hugs:: ::hugs::
We care about you, Kelly and want you to make it through this too - and you can!
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Post by alyeska on Dec 12, 2017 6:28:31 GMT
Randy, I'm sorry you've had these weeks, too. It's so hard not to lose faith, isn't it? I want to believe, I know that a positive attitude is important in this fight. But, some days... Scott, I so appreciate your note. It brought tears to my eyes. I've been crying a lot today. And, I hear you on the wave of health issues, I had cancer 6 years ago, and beat that (fingers crossed). But, it's tough to gear up for and sustain another fight. There's no choice, but do it. My husband is my rock, too. And, I adore my kids and cat (we have a 20 pound Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog). But, I think even my husband is running out of things to say. Today, I sent him an e-mail similar to this post, and he responded with, "I love you." Invaluable, and I don't take it for granted. But, I wonder if even he is doubting that I will get better. Thanks to you both, so much, for your support and kindness -- that brought happy tears. Kelly Oh, Kelly. I'm where you are with the emails to my fixer husband. I email it so I won't cry too. My kids don't need to see that. My 15 year old still thinks he can grab me and swing me around! I had to put a stop to that. He's starting to get it, but I don't want them to know how much pain I'm in. My husband is very supportive... silently. He does so many extra things now with the kids and with cooking and shopping. I've asked him to advocate to me for our family and to explain how much effort I put in just to go to family gatherings. They won't hear it from me... I just sound like a whiner or a hypochondriac if I say it. He sees what I go through every day and how much pain and little energy I have. However, it's been months since I asked him to advocate for me, and he hasn't talked to anyone except his mother. He actually physically supports me on stairs and when I'm walking with him! However, he doesn't want to talk about treatments unless they're working, and I don't think he wants to have a serious discussion with anyone about what's going on. Maybe that will make it all too real. I think it's so frustrating because the life we planned together is gone, and he doesn't know how to make things better. He's heard how bad this disease can get, and I think he's trying not to think about the day that might come when he has to be my caretaker. He's heard horror stories about that from some work friends who know a caretaker of a person with Lyme. What a terrifying prospect! I mean, we all know it might happen some day, but we expected to have at least thirty or so more years until that happened! It may not be very far in the future at the rate my symptoms are progressing. I'm going in Friday for some heart tests. I sure hope it's nothing. I'm already mostly homebound, and we
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Post by alyeska on Dec 12, 2017 6:44:35 GMT
Randy, I'm sorry you've had these weeks, too. It's so hard not to lose faith, isn't it? I want to believe, I know that a positive attitude is important in this fight. But, some days... Scott, I so appreciate your note. It brought tears to my eyes. I've been crying a lot today. And, I hear you on the wave of health issues, I had cancer 6 years ago, and beat that (fingers crossed). But, it's tough to gear up for and sustain another fight. There's no choice, but do it. My husband is my rock, too. And, I adore my kids and cat (we have a 20 pound Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog). But, I think even my husband is running out of things to say. Today, I sent him an e-mail similar to this post, and he responded with, "I love you." Invaluable, and I don't take it for granted. But, I wonder if even he is doubting that I will get better. Thanks to you both, so much, for your support and kindness -- that brought happy tears. Kelly Sorry... I was rambling and my iPad freaked! I had to post and continue here. I was saying that we both need to be strong and healthy just to survive our three teenagers and to keep our marriage strong. It's so hard with the stress of his job, one especially obnoxious teenager who is struggling with a bunch of stuff, and my disease on top of that. I also want you to know that a few a few weeks ago I honestly thought I was dying and got on here and vented like a crazy woman. I had never had such a negative attitude in all of my life. Thank GOD everyone was on here to support me because I had absolutely no one to talk to about it. It ended up just being the most horrible herx I'd ever had in my life, but I don't know what I would have done without the kind souls on here who were able to make me feel better about so many things. I've never been suicidal, but I was getting close that night. Sometimes with this disease you get to a point when you feel like you just can't keep going. The herxing was totally messing with my brain, and I was in so much pain. Just keep venting on here, ok? These wonderful people give unconditional support and kindness. It's been such a blessing to me, honestly! Hang in there, Kelly. I think most of us are praying for each other too. Hey, I have friends of all faiths, and I'll take prayers or "positive thoughts" from anyone! Acres and I joined this forum around the same time not long ago, and we both had some major problems. Now we're both here encouraging you! You'll be doing the same soon when one of us or a new person is going through the same thing you are now. What's great is that everyone on here is just so encouraging, and they all "get it." This is an amazing group of people you've found. I'm so grateful to them. I hope you know you're not alone! I wish I could give you a gentle hug, but since I can't, just imagine it! <3
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Post by Admin/ Traveler on Dec 12, 2017 19:24:46 GMT
Alyeska, those are known as 'virtual hugs' and we do like getting them!! LOL! Well, okay, I do!!! I have quite a few online friends, so virtual hugs are totally the way to go! to you, Alyeska, for doing what you can to help others here! Lyme disease is not for the 'faint of heart' (so to speak), it takes a lot of stamina, patience (even thought we are pretty sure we are dying from time to time) and tenacity to stick treatments when our healing starts with ...what? Herxing of all things!!!! GAH!!!! I'm so very happy to hear that this community has been a wonderful resource for you, Alyeska. My hope is that it will be for many. And, Kelly - let us know how you are doing when you are up to posting, okay? We do get worried when one of our members are struggling and don't check in for a while. Know that you are not alone in this, we are here to help you in whatever ways we can!
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